Depression is a Frienemy of Mine
I used to try to slay it like a dragon.
That just made it into a more powerful dragon.
Instead now I treat it like a guest.
I’m actually kind and respectful to it.
I sit with it on my sofa and I even offer it tea.
Once the message it came to deliver is received by me,
It quietly leaves.
And then I breathe deep…
And lock the door.
Knowing full well
My frienemy has its own key.
Until our next visit,
Which is as predictable and unpredictable as the waves in the sea.

When people think of depression perhaps they picture a woman looking exhausted, hair uncombed, no make up, lonely, sad, weeping uncontrollably and unable to get out of bed. This is only one version.

There is a type of depression you may not even notice called “walking” or “smiling” depression. People with this form of depression are (somehow) able to get out of bed each day, get dressed and look usually quite put together.  They not only hold down jobs, they are often times highly successful in their career. They go on family vacations, get the grocery shopping done each week and read bedtime stories to their kiddos at night. They are actively involved and respected in their community. They make time to hang out with their friends at Happy Hour (Irony is something, isn’t it?) They post giggly, happy pictures of themselves on social media. And yet they are depressed.

Jim Carey once described it like this:

“There are peaks, there are valleys. But they’re all kinda carved and smoothed out, and it feels like a low-level of despair you live in…you’re living ok. And you can smile at the office. You know? But it’s a low-level of despair.”

For myself, throughout the years I’ve searched high and low, mainstream and alternatively for The Ever Elusive Cure All. Until about 3 years ago, when I experienced a profound shift in how I perceived my depression. I had driven to the ocean to watch the sunset. The Ocean and The Sunset are two things that always have a calming effect on me. It is here that I feel most at peace. Anyway, there I was watching the sky put on this beautiful, colorful display as its grand way of ending the day. My soul was being soothed by the sounds of the sea. And as I stood watching the giant glowing ball in the sky get smaller and smaller,

It suddenly occurred to me that our emotions are really just like the waves of the ocean. As I dug in deeper with my toes firmly planted in the wet sand, I saw that each wave, no matter how small or tall, presented me with a choice. I could turn and run as fast as I could to escape from the wave (even though it always caught me). Or I could choose to just stay still. And allow the wave to either reach my toes and return to the ocean, or reach my ankles or knees and return to the ocean. Or even crash into me, engulfing me completely and then… return to the ocean.

The thing was, these waves always went back to the ocean! I believe that just like the waves, my feelings, all of them- happiness, anger, fear, depression…are temporary. They will ebb and they will flow. I decide if I want to catch the wave and if so, I choose how to surf the wave. The waves have no power over me! And in this way I have learned to go with the flow of my feelings.

I am no longer afraid when the wave of depression starts to rise. Sometimes I notice it, far out in the horizon. There are certain times of the year I am expecting this wave to make an appearance. Sometimes it shows up and completely unannounced and surprises me.

What I have learned over the last couple years, with a lot of introspection and wisdom from leaders in consciousness, like Eckhart Tolle, Dr. Shefali Tsabary, and Mark Nepo to name a few, is that we CAN sit with our emotions. We CAN feel our feelings. We CAN be uncomfortable. And then we CAN release it all back to source and allow ourselves to rise.

Imagine if we could teach our children this perspective too?  And the next time they start to feel the blue waves of depression getting closer, rather than running, hiding, disguising, numbing or denying it, they learned to actually embrace it, feel it, sit with it and move through it. Just Keep Swimming.

As Glennon Doyle Melton says, “we CAN do hard things!” So let’s! Let’s keep growing. Let’s keep learning. Let’s keep feeling. And let’s keep being exactly who we are meant to be: humans BEings that are whole,unique, multi-layered, simple yet complicated, twinkling, guiding, shining lights.

Stay Positive,

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