Practice the Pause- Momtra No. 6

It’s been a long day. It’s been a stressful day at work. It was a demanding evening at home. Between the three kids all under 11 years old, the dog who has not been out to do his business all day and the garbage disposal that is not working…again, you Mama are exhausted. But it’s not over yet. It’s time for the nightly bedtime ritual. I’m not talking about bubble baths for the kids, sweet bedtime stories, hugs, kisses and sweet dream wishes. That would be lovely. Instead, it’s you yelling at the kids to brush their teeth, shower and then get ready for bed. It’s the kids screaming at each other about whose turn it is to shower first…”Not Me!” It’s about you making threats to take away their electronic time…forever! It’s about tears and tantrums and more yelling, screaming and now the dog has joined in and is barking too. Sound familiar? Anyone else remember that commercial from when we were growing up about the bubble bath? “Calgon Take Me Away!” the crazed and utterly exhausted Mom would plead. Now you understand what she meant! Because now, YOU are that Mom.

And at the end of the night when you finally collapse into your bed, you replay the whole horrific evening over and over regretting how you handled it all. Wondering, what if…it didn’t have to be this same show every. single. night? What if it could be different? Wishing you had a Momtra that could transform the chaos? Well, wishes do come true! Here is the powerful and magical Momtra that has the potential to literally change your family, your relationships, your self and your life- Practice the Pause.

The thing is, we have been taught that everything has to be “dealt with” immediately. And since often times we are just not equipped to deal with things in the instant moment they occur, we reactively flip our lids! When our child ignores us, we react immediately. When the kids start to argue with one another, we react immediately. When someone cuts us off on the freeway, we react immediately. When we see a political post on social media, we react immediately. Our reactions do not come from our higher level thinking, rather they are rooted in our primitive brain where fight, flight and freeze live. These reactions are often things we are not proud of later when we have time to get our mind back together. It’s not rocket science! It’s just brain science! Take a look at this enlightening short video and watch as internationally acclaimed Dr. Dan Siegel wonderfully explains the science behind Flipping Our Lids.

Ah! So, when we “name it we can now tame it.” The next time you start to sense your emotions rising and your brilliant brain is about to be hijacked by your impulsive reptilian reactions…just Push Pause! As we explored in Momtra No. 1– It’s Not Emergency. Most things in life really can wait. So, if there is no danger of physical harm and everyone is safe, there really is no need for an immediate reaction. Instead, take a Positive Time Out. Step away. Go to your room. Take a deep breath. Or go outside and go for a quick walk. Or go to the sink and splash cool water on your face. Do something that interrupts your brain pattern. Then you can handle the situation by responding rather than reacting.